A Life-Long Process
by syriala
Summary: Written for this one sentence prompt on Tumblr: "You need to go"


Sam thought he had Tony all figured out. And he should, after nearly a year of knowing each other; eight spent as a couple and three as husbands. So when Tony told him to leave him the fuck alone, Sam obliged.

He didn't know what exactly he had done to be yelled at, but it was obvious that Tony was tense and unhappy, and if he wanted time for himself and his inventions, then Sam wouldn't be the one to force his company on him.

Even though it stung that Tony sent him away, given that they only had five days before Sam's leave ended.

When Tony deflected a question with biting sarcasm, Sam let it slide, because if Tony didn't want to talk about something, then he sure as well wouldn't pressure his husband into doing something he didn't want to.

When Tony turned away from his touch with an unhappy twist to his mouth, Sam figured everyone had days where they couldn't stand to be touched and he didn't think about it anymore. Tony always came back around after all.

They spent a few months like this; every leave Sam got was spent at the mansion if Howard was away, or in a hotel room, and Sam made sure to always give Tony what he needed.

Until he started to notice things.

Whenever Tony told him to leave, his shoulders were hunched and pulled up tight, and Sam expected them to go down when he agreed, that Tony would relax, but instead it just got worse.

Whenever Tony deflected a question, Sam thought he was respecting Tony's wish to leave it alone, but given by the lingering looks Tony threw him once he backed up, he wasn't so sure that was right.

Whenever Tony avoided his touch, ducking under his hand, or twisting away and Sam let his hand fall down, he noticed that Tony's hand made an aborted movement that looked a lot like he wanted to reach out, but didn't.

It just didn't add up.

Sam tried to ask Tony about it, of course he did; he loved him and wanted this marriage to work, but Tony deflected him. Sometimes outright laughing in his face and telling him that Sam was stupid.

So Sam turned to Rhodey.

He was the only one who knew Tony long enough to be of some help here, and Sam was pretty sure he needed the help.

So he met up with him on base a few days after his last time with Tony.

"If you want to gossip about Tony I am in," Rhodey greeted him and Sam laughed but he quickly stifled it.

"That would be great, but I hoped you could help me with something first."

"You are already married to the idiot, you don't need me to court him," came Rhodey's reply and Sam shook his head.

"No, but I might need your help to keep him," he admitted and Rhodey frowned.

"If you fucked up, you can figure out a gift for yourself." Rhodey was scrutinizing him now and Sam shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Rhodey was pretty protective of Tony and Sam never wanted to find out what would happen to him if he hurt Tony.

Though it was good to see that someone was looking out for Tony.

"I might have fucked up, but I can't figure it out," Sam told him and Rhodey lifted an eyebrow.

"Tell me."

So Sam told him about is observations and what he thought and at the end of it, Rhodey leaned back into his chair, hands behind his back and he was smiling at Sam.

"Welcome to Tony-land. Where one thing you do can be the right thing on one day and the next you might just fuck everything up with that. It's a progress."

"So I guess no help," Sam sighed and Rhodey shook his head.

"Sadly not. You need to figure it out yourself. Learn to read the signs. If you think you made the wrong decision, change it. You can always still leave or come back again. Tony is...difficult. He wants this, you, but he doesn't know how to communicate it properly."

Sam nodded, because that was certainly something he had picked up on.

"So on some days he'll want you to push and not listen to him, but on others, he will mean what he said and then you have to let it drop, let him come to you. If he starts to really trust you, he will."

"He doesn't trust me yet," Sam mumbled, because while he had suspected that, it still hurt to hear it.

"Do you think he does?" Rhodey asked him, and he didn't sound unkind.

"No, not with the important stuff," Sam admitted and Rhodey got up.

"Then I guess it's time to change that, Wilson."

"I guess you're right," Sam agreed. He had leave two weeks later and would immediately start on that.

"You need to go, I have to finish this" Tony told him, voice cold, when Sam came into his workshop to bring him lunch.

"I can do that," Sam easily replied and carefully watched Tony.

And there were the signs: the shoulders got dragged up even further and Tony hunched in on himself.

"Or," Sam continued and ignored the flinch from Tony, "I could stay, and you could eat real quick and then go back to work."

"What, and you'll just stay around to watch me work?" Tony sneered at him and Sam shrugged.

"Yep. I can also read if you're uncomfortable with me watching you work, but I'd like to spend some time with you today, and you'll not get rid of me."

"This is not spending time," Tony said and turned around to him. "You'll quickly get tired of watching me."

"I doubt it," Sam replied and brought the plate with the sandwiches over to Tony before he retreated back to the couch.

Sam made himself comfortable, getting ready to read a book, but for now he kept his eyes on Tony.

"You can work," he told him and Tony scoffed.

"Yeah, right," he mumbled but he went back to work.

Sam spent the entire afternoon in the workshop and at one point Tony seemed to forget that he was there. He started to move more freely, talk to himself and occasionally hum a song under his breath.

He sweet talked all of his inventions and it was adorable to watch.

When Tony put the soldering iron down and took a deep breath, Sam figured Tony was all done.

"Are you done?" asked him and cursed himself when Tony startled badly.

"You're still here," he said, voice full of wonder, and Sam nodded.

"Of course. Told you I wouldn't leave."

"Yeah, well, that would be a first," Tony mumbled and Sam took a deep, grounding breath. It wouldn't do to get angry now.

"You ready for dinner?" he asked instead and Tony carefully smiled at him.

"I could eat," he agreed and Sam smiled.

"Good. I'm thinking Italian. Help me prepare it?"

"Sure," Tony agreed and Sam took his hand to lead him to the kitchen.

It didn't always go as smoothly as this. Sam fucked up almost half of the time; Tony was really difficult to read. But Sam was patient, he was in this for the long haul after all, and eventually he managed to get a good read on Tony.

Everything Tony did counted in situations as these, when he shied away from his touch.

Did Tony stay in easy reach for Sam, he actually wanted to be touched. Same when he put his back to Sam. Did he step out of reach for Sam, it meant he was serious and wouldn't want any touch right now. If his eyes narrowed just slightly, he was assessing if he would have to prepare for another try from Sam, which also meant he was serious.

After almost a year of paying close attention, Sam mostly got it right.

Today was a day where Tony badly craved touch, but denied himself, for reasons Sam hadn't figured out yet.

Tony always ducked away from Sam's touch, but he still stayed close and the telling twitch of his hand was there.

So Sam didn't give up, reached out for Tony every chance he got, but Tony was difficult today.

In the end Sam was done with this.

"That's enough," he told Tony and flopped down on the couch.

He didn't miss the way Tony flinched, or hunched in on himself, and Sam felt bad about it for a second, but then decided that this was better than dancing around it for longer.

"Get over here," he told Tony and patted the place next to him.

Tony was in the process of shaking his head when Sam said: "Don't even try me, Tony. I feel comfortable enough to say, I know you, and today you want to be cuddled to death, so get your ass over here, and let me do my job."

Something about his choice of words must have been wrong though, because Tony stepped even farther away.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I'm not an obligation," Tony said and he didn't quite manage to hide the hurt in his voice.

"Sweetheart," Sam tried again and this time his voice was softer. "You are clearly craving touch today and it's my job as a husband to make sure you get exactly the amounts of cuddles you need or want. Caring for you comes with the nature of our marriage and if I didn't want to do that I wouldn't have said yes. So would you please get over here, so I can take you in my arms and laze around with you?"

Tony opened his mouth a few times but no words came out and in the end he did what Sam had told him to do.

"Why are you doing this?" Tony asked when he was snuggled up to Sam's side.

"Because I love you and I want to give you everything you need."

Tony's grip on him tightened at his words and he pressed his face into Sam's neck.

"I love you, too," he whispered and then kissed his neck. "I know I'm not easy and I am sorry."

"Don't be," Sam told him and kissed his head. "I'm getting pretty good at figuring you out."

"I noticed. You know, apart from Rhodey, you're the only one to stick around long enough to do so."

"I thought so," Sam said with sadness, because Tony deserved so much better.

"Please don't leave," Tony desperately mumbled and Sam pulled him closer, almost into his lap.

"I have no intention to do that. There is still so much to figure out about you. And I am not done loving you, so you're stuck with me for quite some time."

"Why's that?" Tony asked him, but he relaxed against Sam.

"Because I find something new to love almost every day. If you keep this up, I'll have to love you till the end of my days."

"I would like that," Tony quietly admitted and Sam chuckled.

"I would as well. So just be yourself and you're good."

"I'll try," Tony told him and Sam kissed his hair again.

"That's all I can ask for."

Sam was pretty sure Tony would surprise him every other day, making it impossible to truly figure him out, but Sam was looking forward to trying it for all his life.


End file.
